ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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