i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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