but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
