whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
