people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
