You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
