just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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