Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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