Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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