im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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