oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
