No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
