There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
