come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
