Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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