ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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