One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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