my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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