SEEEEXXX PLEASE
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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