Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
