I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
there is glitter all over my balls
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