i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
