I cockslap morals
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
