so that wasnt chicken after all
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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