a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
