i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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