the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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