i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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