At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can text with my tongue
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They took my balls.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
