I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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