I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
