I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think my tv is drunk
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
