I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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