His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
is that a dick in a sweater?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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