as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
