I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She bit a glass in half.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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