To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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