found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Are we still banned from the library?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
