I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
