I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
