I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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