I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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