The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
