Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
