I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
