yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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