We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
