I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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