I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
