And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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