if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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