i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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