just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
