She is in my trunk
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
