Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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