You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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