How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just pynch a tree in the face
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
