Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
