Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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