Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
