my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
