no, he came in my armpit
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Damn victory sex feels great
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
