hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
