I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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