Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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