return my video game
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
