Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
