you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
