I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
