Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
