Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
