I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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